You will inevitably find an endless list of things to complain about, forever wondering why everyone and everything in your life is so imperfect? But how many of us will actually take the time to reflect on self-love, the love for self?
If we had already resolved that particular issue, we would not be irritated by its reflection back to us. So take the time this month to reflect on just what it is you are reflecting to others. And there will be no more snap judgments, no harsh criticisms, because when you are at peace with yourself, you are at peace with others. You will be as accepting of others as you are of yourself! October 7, PM Subscribe Looking for advice when relating to my sister. She says some things that are very judgemental, and I would love advice about how to brush her comments off without getting into an argument.
It happens in every single conversation. She's my older sister - in her 40's not that age has much to do with it - unless it's just her being "the older, wiser sister". Or about me - she'll say something like "you know how you are" when she's just said something negative. When I say things like "people that have nice houses don't necessairly have their priorities askew," she'll argue with me. So I don't really want to argue - I just want to not acknowledge ther judgemental comments and move on.
How do you handle people like that? Why do they do it? They do it because they are unhappy with themselves but cannot admit it. I have a sister like this. Think about it - if you are perfectly happy with yourself you do not feel the need to judge others. I am still struggling with how to handle but I do know that ignoring such remarks makes it less likely she will continue making them.
It is called exstinction in psychology. If you ignore a behavior it is more likely to diminish than if you pay attention to it. She will not completely stop but may be less likely to make those comments around you.
Ignore and change the subject every time. If you pay attention every once in a while it will increase the behavior. In order for extinction to work effectively, it must be done consistently. While extinction, when implemented consistently over time, results in the eventual decrease of the undesired behavior, in the near-term the subject might exhibit what is called an extinction burst.
An extinction burst will often occur when the extinction procedure has just begun. This consists of a sudden and temporary increase in the response's frequency, followed by the eventual decline and extinction of the behavior targeted for elimination.
You can read more about extinction on the web if you are interested. I just want to not acknowledge ther judgemental comments and move on. Sounds like you already have your solution. I'm a big fan of the noncommittal "mmm" and a rapid change of subject, on subjects unrelated to you. On comments about you, though, I think addressing her insinuations and calling her out a little bit is appropriate; good-naturedly and patiently try to get her to spell everything out for a while, and she'll hopefully start to realize that she's being unkind.
Courtesy of Patricia Evans: "Cut it out. This is for comments that are directed at you. For attempts to start a conversation based on judging others: "Oh. When's the book coming out? Where were you that day? Most really don't know how to argue with this, unless they want to get into an argument about how misguided and deluded you must be. If people actually try to challenge that, though, I tend to straight up ask them with genuine curiosity if they 're happy.
Most people are completely taken aback and change the subject, but at least the comments tend to lessen after that. Given it's your sister though, I'm tempted to suggest pointing out she's judgmental. Maybe she doesn't realize how much she's letting worrying about everyone else eat her time and energy.
I have similar problems with my mom sometimes. Alternately I've found that pointing out exceptions to the rule will sometimes have an effect.
She got straight A's when we went to college together, and now she's a history teacher. And she has 2 tattoos! Also, it can get exhausting, but probably less so than arguing. I mean, if it's something true and not so bad "You know how you are: Twenty minutes late is 'on time' for you! Maybe "I don't care if you think that's true, I don't make disparaging remarks about you, and I'd appreciate it if you'd treat me the same way!
I have two older sisters. One of them the middle one is like this. Limit your contact with her if the behavior continues to cause you emotional distress. You cannot change her, and if all your attempts to keep it cordial fail, then you can keep your distance for your own well-being.
Instead, keep the lines of communication open through your family and be cordial at family events rather than deal with her one-on-one. Ginger Voight is a published author who has been honing her craft since She has published genre fiction such as the rubenesque romances "Love Plus One" and "Groupie.
By: Ginger Voight. Step 1 Don't take the criticism personally. How to Empathize With Your Girlfriend. How to Deal With a Possessive Mother. How to Deal With Judgmental People. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site. This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.
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